


Cross my heart and hope to die

by idk_snowbaznstuff



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, SnowBaz, The End, Watford Eighth Year, fifth year fantasy’s, idkhowtotagwithoutspoling, ilovethem, ourboysimonsnowisnotakiller, sorry - Freeform, thefinalfight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21963625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_snowbaznstuff/pseuds/idk_snowbaznstuff
Summary: “I killed you. You want to kiss me and I killed you.”“1. You haven’t killed me yet I’m still here dumbass.2. I don’t just want to kiss you, I’m in love with you.3. Aren’t you mad? That a bloke kissed you? Don’t you have a girlfriend?”“You really think I’m thinking about Agatha when you’re dying?! And it wasn’t just any bloke… it was you.”
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Cross my heart and hope to die

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry if the P.O.V isn’t clear!!
> 
> I have no idea how to bold or underline on ao3.

Simon  
It’s today.

It’s always been so far off, so distant.  
So just don’t think about it and it’ll be okay.

But before I was just a first year hearing about the final fight, like it’d already happened.

Better yet,

Like it was a tale tale,

Back then It’d just been something people said.  
I was just a kid. 

I hated Baz for hating me, sure, but I didn’t want to kill him.( I didn’t want to kill anything. After the dragon I cried for a week because penny couldn’t stop talking about how helpless it was, I didn’t mean to kill it and she didn’t mean to make me feel bad but we were 11 and the past is the past.)

Anyways, at first it was far away, like it’d never happen.

Then by third year I spent quite a bit of time with the mage and realized that there was a small chance that it would happen, I could tell just by how much he hated bazs family.

By fifth year it was 50/50 but I thought I had pretty good luck.

And now, 8th year, he doesn’t talk about hating baz’s family much. He still hates them sure, but he’s too busy hating baz. He talks about how he knows he’s a vampire, but he’s waiting for the perfect time to strike. 

Every time he says it I feel sick knowing I’m the one who told him.( It was 2nd year. I was a little. I loved the mage with everything I had, because he was all I had. I told him about my evil vampire roommate, because that year I thought he thought of me like a son( he didn’t) so I thought of him as a dad (I shouldn't've .)

That’s all I can think about. Because all the mage keeps saying is it’s today. That today’s the day and I have no idea what he’s got planned.

Baz  
It’s today, yesterday I spent the day at the estate with the family. I basically said my goodbyes to everyone.

This is going to sound a tad bit mad, or suicidal, but I’m excited?

Maybe excited isn’t the best word.

I’m relieved.

I’m relieved that I can put an end to all this, that he can.

I’m relieved that I don’t have to live with the monster I am anymore. I’ve taken enough life  
( even if it’s just small rodents.)

That’s not the only secret I no longer have to live with though.

Simon. Simon. Simon. Simon.

Simon Snow.

This is going to sound a bit gruesome but I’ve had this day perfectly planned out since 5th year. 

Fifth year Fantasy’s if you will.

He’s going to run his sword through my heart, get rid of the monster I never wanted to be.  
And when he does, when he does that one last thing for me, when he commits, what’s in a sense, his most heroic act of all,

I’ll kiss him.

I’ll tell him just how much I love him, and I’ll kiss him.

I just want to drift away with that.

That's all I want.

Mage  
Today is the day. The day that Simon finally rids us of the pitch boy.

“Sir…”

“Yes, Simon?”

“What exactly is going to um- happen?”

“What do you mean? We’ve been over it, today we rid the world of the pitch bloodline.”

“I know. But- what are the details.. what are you- what are you going to do?”

“Simon, what do you mean what am I going to do? You’ve known this since you arrived at watford. This is your duty!”

He’s acting like he doesn’t understand. Like he hasn’t trained for this. I’ve trained him for this.

“You say we. You always said we- I thought… are you even going to be there?!”

“Of course not! That would look bad on me. Like it isn’t a one on one. I say we because whatever you do today reflects directly on me.”

“I -fuck!”

“Language, Simon! Stop acting like you aren’t prepared, you’re more than prepared! I saw to that.”

He’s going to win. He has to. And if he doesn't, I'll deal with Basiltion on my own and make it seem like it was him.

Simon

Maybe this is for the best. 

It is.

I don’t want there to be an audience when I-

I want to make sure he knows I never wanted it to end like this…

I feel like I should be doing more to make sure it doesn’t end like this.

It’s supposed to be Simon and Baz.

He’s supposed to be there.  
Doing the small things.

Spelling his election homework from his pretty cursive to my tiny messy scribble when I forget to do it. Because he knows I’m always on the verge of failing that class and I can’t afford to fail classes. I can’t afford to not be here. He knows I really just forgot, that I wasn’t just being lazy.  
He says it’s nothing, that it doesn't even take a hit to his grade because he doesn’t have the class until after lunch, so he has time to do it then.

He’s supposed to be a thoughtful asshole.

He’s supposed to be flying across the pitch.  
Being bloody perfect at everything and making me feel something in the pit of my stomach that’s not quite jealousy .

He’s supposed to be getting me to magically calm down, to use my words with his pretty gray eyes and evil vampire charms.

He’s supposed to pull 2nd year pranks on me so gracefully that I feel embarrassed as ifI’m the one being childish.

He’s supposed to close the window, even if he knows I run hot.

He’s supposed to spend an hour in the bathroom every morning, nearly making me late for breakfast, even though I never mind because when he opens the bathroom door I’m hit with a wave of cedar and bergamot, and it smells like home.

What’s the room going to smell like when he’s gone?

What am I going to do?

~~~~~

“Simon. It’s time.”

“This soon?”

“Yes this soon, I need to have a few words with you before-“

“Can I see penny? Before? Can I say goodbye?”

“No! There is no need to say goodbye, you’ll see her again before tea. This isn’t even really a fight. You will be taking out Basilton. Basil will die and you’ll continue on with life as if he was never here. The only difference is now you’ll have a single. Do I make myself clear?”

“Sir-“

“Do I make myself clear?”

“I-”

“Simon I’m not going to give you a chance to say something you’ll regret. The sword of mages only works if your intentions are pure, and there’s clearly a part of you that thinks this is wrong. Take this it’s charmed. Basiltion won’t be able to see it. This should be quick and easy. Return back here when it’s done.”

“Sir-“

I close my eyes and take a breath.

When I open them I’m deep in the wood.

And baz is here. 

Simon

“Baz.”

“Snow.”

“Hey.”

“Hello, it’s lovely to chat, truly, but I’m not sure this is the best time.”

“When am I going to get another chance? When am I ever going to talk to you again?”

“Don’t get sappy about it, it’s not as if you’ve ever wanted to talk before.”

“I did. You’re just bloody difficult.”

He smiles, smirks. And his eyes light up. He’s so put together and perfect. He’s always been so perfect.

I don’t want to live without this infuriating asshole. But I don’t think I have a choice.

And since there’s nothing to lose I tell him that.

“I don’t want to do this, I don’t want you to die, I don’t want to have to be here without you. In that room. At this school.”

“Don’t go all soft Simon, were sworn enemies-”

“You called me Simon!”

How can I be expected to kill him when he’s just called me Simon for the first time?

Baz

I swear I’m usually better at being an archenemy than this. I never even call him Simon. I swear I was so good at keeping the facade.

He’s the one who’s gone soft, I’m just playing along, reading the situation if you will. Because why not?

“Basil...” he says and his voice is small.

“I don’t- I’m not sure how I’m going to do this. I have to do it- I know I have to. I just- I don’t want to, and I don’t know how I’m going to. I- fuck-“

“Simon. Calm down. It’s ok. I know you don’t want to and I forgive you. It’s just something you have to do, and I get that.”

There’s tears in his eyes and that makes me smile. He’s really going to miss me. Merlin.

“Crying, before you even off me Snow?”

“Shut-up.” he says wiping the tears away before they get a chance to fall.

“Isn’t this- isn't this supposed to be a fight? It doesn’t- it’s doesn’t fucking feel like one. It feels like I’m murdering you. Why aren’t you trying to hurt me?”

“What’s the point? And It’s not murder if you don’t have a choice. I could fight and probably cause some damage, send you off with some life long injuries, but in the end you’re the chosen one and I’m just the bloke who’s top of the class. I’m magnificent obviously but you’re proficized.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to do it… I don’t know how I could possibly do it without you trying to hurt me first.”

“Simon! This is an awful lot of talking for a war zone.”

“You can't call me Simon. I’ll never be able to do it if you keep calling me Simon.”

“Sorry... Snow.”  
“What I’m trying to say is just go off. You’ll wake up in a bit in a ditch and I’ll be gone. Easy Peasy.”

Sometimes I disgust myself with how much I’m in love with this boy. I’m giving up my fifth year fantasy’s so he can feel better about killing me?

What kind of villain am I?

I guess I’ll still get to kiss him, and tell him I love him. That’s the most important part.

“No, that won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“I always bubble you. I don’t do it on purpose. It’ll happen and you’ll still be here.”

Oh. I thought he’d done it on purpose. That the chosen one had to protect everyone. 

But apparently that’s not the case, 

Simon Snow unconsciously protects me.

Adorable.

Simon  
Why is this so difficult. 

“Just use the sword,” he says.

And then I remember the conversation the mage and I had. The normal steel sword he’d given me and charmed invisible.  
The one that Baz doesn’t know about.

“Sword?”

“The sword of mages, your sword.”

“Oh, I can’t use that one. It’s only works if my intentions are pure.”

Killing your roommate is in no way heroic.

Baz

He looks so guilty and he hasn’t even done anything yet, and I feel bad for him( which is a bit twisted being so I’m the one being murdered in cold blood.)

He seems to be gripping something in his hand,  
but I don’t see anything.

He looks down to the floor.

“Baz, can you, um.. unspell this?”

“Unspell what?”

“It’s a sword… the mage knew that my sword wouldn’t work so he gave me this one… he spelled it invisible.”

“So why should I unspell it?”

“Because it’s wrong, you won’t, I want you to be able to see… to know...”

I sigh because he’s really too attached to my life, I’m not even that attached. He looks like he’s about to cry again and father didn’t even cry this much, father didn’t cry at all.

“Fine.”

Simon  
I feel better knowing he can see, but I still can’t picture doing it.

“Si- Snow….”

“You’ve got to speed this up buddy. Someone’s sure to come check on us soon.”

“Right.. I just….”

“I know. Come ‘ere.”

I stumble forward. And he takes my hands. I don’t think about how my skin sparks at the contact. It’s just nervous energy.

He repositions my hands on the sword. And points it towards himself, then he takes a step back.

“Perfect, statue worthy pose.”

And he’s smiling. How is he smiling, now of all times.

“Alright Snow, here’s what you’re going to do. Lunge forward and push it through. It’s that simple.  
Crowley I didn’t expect to have to baby you through this of all things.”

He’s so Baz, I can't do anything except stare. I’m about to kill Baz. I'd literally rather be anywhere else, doing anything else.

I’d rather be being pushed down the stairs, fed to a bloody Chimera.

“Earth to Snow?”

“Baz…”

“Snow, the problem is that you’re thinking. When do you ever think? Act now think later. That’s what’s gotten you through everything. That’s what’ll get you through this.”

“Come here.”  
I step closer.

“Close your eyes.”  
I close them.

He puts his hands on my cheeks.  
“And just do it,”  
“Think later, do now.”

I close my eyes and pretend it’s 2nd year and Baz and I are knights fighting with the styrofoam swords I brought back from the care home.  
I’m happy because sword fighting is the only thing I’m better at than him.  
I’m happy because I’ve finally gotten him to play with me.

I feel his cool hand on my cheeks and, 

I tighten my eyes and I plunge it straight at him.

Except this time it’s not styrofoam. This time it doesn’t just bounce off. It’s sharp, and it’s metal and I feel it pierce skin.

This time he’s not just rolling his eyes. This time I hear him gasp.

Baz

His eyes fling open. 

And he takes such a big step back, it could practically be considered flying.

My hands slip from his face.

And it sinks in.

I’m not going to lie, in my fifth year fantasy’s I didn’t factor in the pain.

Fuck, I’m fucking up, I’m supposed to kiss him, but my legs are giving.

He leans down to catch me.

Fucking hell it hurts.

Simon  
What the fuck have I done?

“Baz.”

He was falling so I caught him and now he’s in my arms. 

I put him down, as carefully as possible. Avoiding the fucking sword I put in him.

“Fuck. I can’t take it out, but I can’t look at it in you. Fuck! I did that. Fuck!”

“Bloody hell!”  
He screams and when I look back at him the swords on the ground.

“Baz! You’re not sussposed to do that, everyone knows you can’t fucking do that!”

“That’s to save a life idiot. It’s perfectly ok if your going to die anyway.”

“Fuck. What did I do!”

Baz  
The tears are rushing down his face so harshly they'll probably leave bruises. He’s pulling at his curls and he looks on the verge of insanity.

I can already feel myself slipping away.

“Simon,”

“Baz. I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! What did I do? How could I? Fuck!”

He’s backing away from me, but I want him closer.

I need him closer.

“Simon come here.”

“I can’t, I-“

“Love. Come. Here.”

“L-love?”

“Yes, love, sweetheart, darling. Every disgusting pet name I was too pussy to call you.”

“W-what?”

He’s not backing away anymore but he also hasn’t come closer.

“Simon, I need- I need you to come here.”

He’s coming closer finally but his eyes lock on the sword and he freezes again .

I spell it away, which I probably shouldn’t do in this state. Because now I can’t even lift my head for more than 5 seconds.

“Baz why did you, you have to save your energy- you…”

“Simon. I said I need you to come here. The bloody swords gone, so now could you please- just come here.”

He comes up to me. But he’s not close enough, so I grab onto him and pull him closer.  
———

“Simon… you need to know I love you, you need to know I’m in love with you.”

“What?! No. You can’t just- can’t-“

“I do and I can and fuck, forgive me. I’ve done much better.”

In my head. All to him.  
When it comes to him I put Shakespeare to shame. He’s everything.

“This is the shittiest love confession ever, but I’m sure it’s understandable that I’m not top of my game.”

“Baz?”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s dramatic. It just matters that you know. I love you more than anyone’s ever loved anything. And I hope the absolute best for you when I’m gone.”

“Baz- you can’t! You can’t just say that and die. You’re so Impossible! Do you know how that would’ve made me feel if I believed you? Death and love confessions? Bloody hell. You’re a prick. You’re such a prick but I’m still so so sorry.”

“Simon, I’m serious!”

I can see it all over his face that he doesn’t believe me. So I pull him even closer,

And I kiss him.

I kiss Simon Snow.

Simon

He’s kissing me. He’s kissing me and I’m kissing him back. 

He’s kissing me like he’s been waiting to do it forever.

And as soon as our lips connect I know I’ve wanted it longer.

He’s kissing me and I’m so distracted that I forget what I’ve done.

Baz

He jumps away from me, and I’m kind of relieved.

Because I kissed him, I kissed Simon Snow.

And he was kissing me back, he was kissing me back like he wanted this as much as I do.

And I’ll be damned if he wants this, us, and I die after just one kiss.

Simon 

“I killed you. You want to kiss me and I killed you.”

“1. You haven’t killed me yet I’m still here dumbass.

2\. I don’t just want to kiss you, I’m in love with you.

3\. Aren’t you mad? That a bloke kissed you? Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“You really think I’m thinking about Agatha when you’re dying?! And it wasn’t just any bloke… it was you.”

I don’t want to think about what he just said. I don’t want to think about what it means.

“You skipped 1 and 2.”  
I say in an attempt to distract myself.

“Because I’ve practically killed you, and you’re not in love with me.”

“I am!”

“Are you faking this whole thing? Not that I want you to speed it up or anything but the process usually takes less time. I think you’re messing with me.”

“Simon. Snow. I’m in love with you and I’m dying. Trust me I’m more annoyed by how long this is taking than you! You of all people should know open wounds fucking hurt. I guess being a vampire makes this process different.”

I’m supposed to confess my undying love, kiss him and die. He’s also supposed to bloody believe me!

“I don’t buy it.”

“You know what fine! Is it not dramatic enough for you? Because I can make it dramatic!”

“Wha-“

“Cross my heart and hope to die,”

“Simon Snow, I love you more than anything in this world. I love you.”

Simon  
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”

There’s a slight smile on my face, because this is so Baz.  
And he really does love me, because if he didn’t would’ve well….. dropped dead.

People don’t do that spell it’s not banned exactly but it’s well dangerous. You’ll be done for If you have the slightest bit of uncertainty in you’re mind, or I guess in this case heart. 

I look down. And he’s not smiling. He looks like he’s barely still here and I can tell he’s not far off.

“Baz.”

And my tears are back again.

I scramble over to him and grab his hand.

“You can’t just confess you love me- and die!”

“I can and I will. Write a book about it will you? I’ve really out done myself with this one.”

“You shouldn’t of done the spell you didn’t have the energy to waste.”

He closes his eyes.

“You should’ve believed me.”

“Baz. You can’t go, you can’t die!”

“Why is it so hard to let me go? I was already half dead!”

“Baz.”

Was. Was. Was. Everything is was. It’s like he’s already gone.

“Simon. It hurts. It hurts so bad. I need to go. There’s nothing for me here.”

“That’s not-“

He cuts me off my coughing. And his face looks so pained.

“I love you.” He whispers.

He closes his eyes again but this time he doesn't open them.

“Baz.”

I say his name again, but this time he doesn’t respond.

“No.”

“No. No. No. No. No!”

It’s so quiet. I won’t be able to live with it always being this quiet.

“Baz!”

I’m a piece of shit magician but my Magic’s gotta be good for something.

“Get well soon?”

I try but it comes out as a question. My Magic’s never been good. It’s never been like everyone else’s. It’s never worked with spells. And spells are literally what magic is made of.

Fuck spells.

I put a hand on each of baz’s checks and start taking.

“You’re not dead. You’re not dead. You need to be alive because I can’t be here if you’re not. If I’m here you’re here. We’re a package deal.”

Nothing happens.

My whole body is shaking with tears.

And his is so still. 

What’s the point of this. What did this fix?

I don’t know what to do.

Fuck this magic. 

“Baz! You’re alive! You’re so alive. You’re here with me right now. I need you to be here and I need us to be together. Everything can be ok. I’ll give anything for you to be okay!” 

This time I force myself to believe it. I push everything I have into it. All my magic. All my everything. 

“You’re alive. So so alive.” I sob.

And then I go off.

———-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t freak out.
> 
> It’ll all be ok, I hope.
> 
> Part 2 in progress.
> 
> Comments and kudos appreciate<33


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